Sunshine
by CorvusLacrima
Summary: Fenris never let himself get too close to anyone. He was bound to be alone in his own dark world. And yet, a mage managed to get too close to him. He tried to leave, to push her away, yet she remains by his side. Little did he know that Hawke will actually light up his usually dark and lonely life. A one-shot about Fenris contemplating his feelings for Hawke. FenrisxF!Hawke, R&R!
**_AN: Just a quick story. I never really had a chance to proof read this or anything. I just need to write haha. So forgive me if I make a LOT of mistakes in this. AAnyway, enjoooyyyy_**

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 _You're my sunshine, my only sunshine_

Something about her makes him feel different. Every time his eyes glanced her way, it lingers on her for what seemed like forever. And in return, she looks his way, and gives him one of her bright smiles before returning to her conversation with Merrill.

And that was enough to make his face feel like it was bursting into flames. Damned woman, was that some sort of spell she's been casting on him ever since they met? Maker's breathe, she's very beautiful. He adored how the light of the sun caught in her raven hair, how her smoldering blue eyes looks upon him with such softness, how kind she was behind all her constant teasing and witty remarks. He could go on and on, yet he cannot believe that he was still capable of looking at someone that way.

Fenris looked away, not wanting anyone to see his face. He'll be damned if anyone sees him, especially that bastard Anders. The mage would blatantly criticize his relationship with Hawke, often asking what did she see in Fenris?

The elf pondered at the thought, what exactly did Marian Hawke see in him? He isn't anyone important. A former Tevinter slave with lyrium etched on him skin, probably even rooted in his very soul. He had no future figured out. He has trouble controlling his temper. He has a very big problem with mages, which is somehow confusing him even further since Hawke is an apostate, and somehow, he trusts her a bit too much. And, he left her. Maker, how did she find the heart to forgive him after leaving her for 3 years without giving her a proper explanation?

Marian Hawke is a very peculiar person. Fenris knew that. The woman who was able to bring his life into an unexpected turn, showed him how to be happy and taught him how to… love.

A heavy sigh escaped from the elf's lips. Love… is that what he is feeling? Three years ago, he was living in the dark, blinded by hatred, desperately searching for his long lost memories, chasing after a life he had let go, his mind plagued by thoughts of destroying Danarius and maddened by the pain that his marks left him long ago. Whatever thoughts and feelings he was feeling for her right now, he wouldn't have imagined that happening to him long ago. But then, her ray of light brought light into his dark world.

She was his light. And wherever she goes, there was finally a place where he can call home

 _You make me happy, when skies are gray_

"I assume you're brooding, again" she approached him one day. Fenris simply stared at her, before looking away.

"You know, if you wipe that big, fat frown of yours, you'll be a lot more handsome than you are right now" she grinned. A grunt was his reply. She always have her ways in teasing him. For a brief moment, silence fell upon the both of them. She seemed to have noticed his distress.

"Is there anything troubling you?" she asked, this time, worry laced in her voice, replacing her bright, cheery tone earlier. Fenris didn't want her to worry for him just because of one small thing.

A few moments ago, he had an encounter with Anders who was still gnawing at the issue as to what Marian saw in him. Sure, he was always one to snap back at the mage, yet, the question actually seared itself into his mind. And surprisingly, it was bothering him way too much than it shouldn't be. The more he thinks of it, the more frustrated he gets. Anders didn't get to him, but his doubts and questions somehow gave him a realization. What exactly can he give her? And in their relationship, she was the one who gave him more than he can ever imagine.

"Nothing" he said, not wanting to talk about it.

"I swear to Andraste, Fenris. If I get a single silver each time you deny that there's no problem, I'd be rich woman" she sighed, taking her place by his side and leaned on the railing.

"Please, tell me what's troubling you" she begged and Fenris sighed. Maker, the woman can be really persuasive if she has to.

"Are you happy?" he asked her. Marian stared at him in wonder, probably wondering why he would ask her that out of the blue.

"I am. I'm actually very happy. Why?"

"Just asking"

"There we go again. Sometimes, you can be very frustrating, you know that?" Hawke put her hands on her hips, clearly frustrated at his behavior

"I thought you trust me. No secrets, remember?" she frowned and Fenris sighed. She isn't making this easier for him.

"Why me?" he finally asked. It was a question that has been linger in his mind for years. And he never even tried to ask her about it, not even once.

He can't look at her, seemingly the stone floor was very interesting all of a sudden.

And without another word, he felt her soft, warm hand over his. Her slender fingers intertwining with his. Another hand found its way to his cheek and turned his face to look at her. Green met blue. And both of them stayed still.

" I chose you because, you're you." she smiled at him softly. It was such a simple answer. There was no need for lengthy explanations, complicated words or any form endearments. Her words meant a lot to him, more than she could ever know.

He slowly pressed his lips against her soft ones. She made him feel special, accepted. As he kissed her, there was a burst of warmth in his chest, and he must say, it felt good.

A small smile crept on his lips, it was probably one of the moments in which, he could actually say he is happy.

 _You'll never know, dear, how much I love you_

His eyes glanced upon her sleeping frame. Silently adoring how beautiful she is, especially how the light of the warm hearth touched her bare skin, even though she was facing the opposite way. Using his free hand, he softly twisted her raven locks, watching her as she sleeps.

He still remembers her touch, of how gentle and tender she was. Her habit of tracing her fingers over his marks never left his mind. He was never one to like being touched, especially now that has these damned marks all over him. Yet, when it comes to her, it was different again. He yearns for her. He longs for touch.

Maker, this woman would be the death of him.

When he was one with her earlier this night, the sounds that escaped her lips seemed like a melody to him. And along that melody, he heard her say the words that neither of them ever said to each other before.

"I love you" she whispered in his ear. The words were foreign to him. It was the first time someone said those three words to him. He wanted to say those words to her, yet, for some odd reason, he remained silent.

He wanted her to hear those words, why can't he bring himself to say it?

Was it because words are not enough to show her how much he needed her? How much he loved her?

The more he watches her, the more he wonders what has he done to have her? All this time he had been falling in love with her, how can be worthy of such gift?

Slowly, he fixed the red sheets on her body and wrapped an arm around her. His bare yrium-lined body touching her back as he held her closer to him. He heard soft grumbles as she sleeps, softly rubbing his hand over her shoulder.

What can he do without her? Maker, he is more than willing to give everything for her. He swore that he'll make her know how much she means to him.

He brought his lips over her ear, slightly touching it, and he softly whispered,

"I love you so much" he said with a soft smile before pressing a light kiss at the back of her neck. Fenris held her closer, not wanting to let her go.

"Promise me that you won't go anywhere"

 _Please don't take my sunshine away_

She said that reading is one of the best things anyone could ever experience. She told him that it can bring him to a different world, and it would give him a chance to away from all the trouble in his life even for just a moment. She said it's a gift that she was willing to share with him, so that they can go to a different world together.

Was she wrong?

Then why is he wishing that she shouldn't have taught him how to read? Had he not learned how to read, he wouldn't be like this.

Fenris clutched the parchment in his hand, pouring out the overwhelming emotion growing within him.

He cannot believe what he just read. Hawke must've asked Varric to make up something so that he will no longer insist to go after her. But, he knew she can't do that. Hawke never lied to him, there was no way she could've thought of something as cruel as this.

Damn it. Damn it all.

He should've been there with her. Had she not been stubborn, he would have been on her side. He would've died by her side. She promised him that she'll return to him, and when she returns, she will never go anywhere without him again.

How dare she? How can she break her promise?

He can't go on like this. What will he do without her?

"Hawke" he whispered, untying the red cloth wrapped around his wrist, the only thing that she left with him. A drop of water fell on the cloth, and another one, and another one, until the cloth was soaked with tears.

Had he known that this would be his fate, he would've let Danarius tear off his marks from his body, he shouldn't have paid Anso so that he would never meet her, he shouldn't have followed her, he shouldn't have allowed himself to get too close.

"Marian, why?" another question that seared into his mind. This time it was a question that can no longer have an answer, for she was no longer there to give him an answer.

He can't live like this, he finally had a purpose, he finally had a home, he finally had a light that he can hold onto. His world was no longer dark all these years, he never knew that it was possible for the light to go out someday.

"Please, don't go away" he thought, "I love you"


End file.
